I feel myself becoming this wicked, unhappy person, when it is contradictory to how I truly feel. I like to laugh and smile. I like to go on adventures and see new things. But I barely know who I am, no less who you are. One large part of my wants to wait and understand that we have f o r e v e r to figure each other out. Our ticks and attractions. I want to jump you and give you everything and just get married to carry on. Another, smaller, wiser, stronger part wants to learn about you, realizing I don't know your favorite soda or your doctrine and these both being equally important to me. This smaller part reminding me I'm not mature enough, we are "Not There" yet. And all these sides of me argue and battle throughout the day deciding instantly what reaction to choose. I've always been one to show when I am upset. I have NEVER been able to mask it. And maybe that makes me selfish. Feeling like people should notice and cater to my un-reached expectations. But if that were not enough let us also throw in my newly discovered characteristic: JEALOUSY. I compare, contrast, fall short, and exceed any particular limit in my mind. I find myself slowly morphing into this unpleasing person. Ironically enough I'be always described myself in a completely opposite tone. A fine dining at the Golden Arches or Tiffany's is neither here nor there in my mind. I have always based the memories on the events and feelings that took place there. What's worse is I have already created the scenarios in my mind and therefore set you up for failure and myself for disappointment. Maybe its because of
Monday, August 13, 2012
To Myself
May 26 @ 12:24am
I feel myself becoming this wicked, unhappy person, when it is contradictory to how I truly feel. I like to laugh and smile. I like to go on adventures and see new things. But I barely know who I am, no less who you are. One large part of my wants to wait and understand that we have f o r e v e r to figure each other out. Our ticks and attractions. I want to jump you and give you everything and just get married to carry on. Another, smaller, wiser, stronger part wants to learn about you, realizing I don't know your favorite soda or your doctrine and these both being equally important to me. This smaller part reminding me I'm not mature enough, we are "Not There" yet. And all these sides of me argue and battle throughout the day deciding instantly what reaction to choose. I've always been one to show when I am upset. I have NEVER been able to mask it. And maybe that makes me selfish. Feeling like people should notice and cater to my un-reached expectations. But if that were not enough let us also throw in my newly discovered characteristic: JEALOUSY. I compare, contrast, fall short, and exceed any particular limit in my mind. I find myself slowly morphing into this unpleasing person. Ironically enough I'be always described myself in a completely opposite tone. A fine dining at the Golden Arches or Tiffany's is neither here nor there in my mind. I have always based the memories on the events and feelings that took place there. What's worse is I have already created the scenarios in my mind and therefore set you up for failure and myself for disappointment. Maybe its because ofher but if it is I want to run as fast as I can.
I feel myself becoming this wicked, unhappy person, when it is contradictory to how I truly feel. I like to laugh and smile. I like to go on adventures and see new things. But I barely know who I am, no less who you are. One large part of my wants to wait and understand that we have f o r e v e r to figure each other out. Our ticks and attractions. I want to jump you and give you everything and just get married to carry on. Another, smaller, wiser, stronger part wants to learn about you, realizing I don't know your favorite soda or your doctrine and these both being equally important to me. This smaller part reminding me I'm not mature enough, we are "Not There" yet. And all these sides of me argue and battle throughout the day deciding instantly what reaction to choose. I've always been one to show when I am upset. I have NEVER been able to mask it. And maybe that makes me selfish. Feeling like people should notice and cater to my un-reached expectations. But if that were not enough let us also throw in my newly discovered characteristic: JEALOUSY. I compare, contrast, fall short, and exceed any particular limit in my mind. I find myself slowly morphing into this unpleasing person. Ironically enough I'be always described myself in a completely opposite tone. A fine dining at the Golden Arches or Tiffany's is neither here nor there in my mind. I have always based the memories on the events and feelings that took place there. What's worse is I have already created the scenarios in my mind and therefore set you up for failure and myself for disappointment. Maybe its because of
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